Can sex resolve your emotional issues? Sensual desire – the culprit of your suffering

Dear Ladies and Gentleman,

Welcome you to another taboo topic. A subject, which is marketing heavily based on today. A topic, which has been keeping us in illusion in life. 

I know not every one of you will agree to what I have to say here, however that is alright.

Take a cup of hot tea, sit back as I am bringing you something life-changing here for your many years of suffering. All you need is to open your mind and heart.

How can I describe sensual desire?

                                                           Photo credit: Damir Spanic unspalsh.com

It is the feeling of wanting, craving, and going crazy to have the other person physically with us. It is having strong "chemistry", and feeling the other person is "under our skin".

I am just as guilty as anyone else of having been fallen under the blinding control of sensual desire. How could have I not, when we watched Hollywood love stories while growing up. 

We were conditioned, that love means:

  - ultimate physical contact with another

   - living sad and depressed if our partner is not there, 

   - constantly thinking about the other person and keep guessing what is he or she is doing while we are not there.  

  - not to be able to live without the other person.

   - once you consummate your relationship with ultimate closeness and "made love" you owned the other person. 

Once this turning point in our relationship happened, we let go of our dreams. Or it becomes very clear that our partner has to make our dreams come true. 

Then the only laser point focus was, wanting is to spend the rest of our lives with our partner. This meant we can finally stop working on ourselves as this person accepted us and was willing to take care of us. With this, we became dependent, gave the responsibility for our partner to love us, to read our minds how to make us happy too.

When our partner expressed their sexual craving for us, we blindly believed that we are worth it, we are good enough. So we learnt to look for any opportunity to get the "good looking" and "rich" guys, prove ourselves that we are good enough, to be paid attention to.  

The bottom line: We were seeking guys and their craving to justify our worth. 

How many of you feel the same way? 

If you are in your 40s or 50s with many broken relationships behind you, you likely resonate with these words.

Let me share more about my life:

Did I create huge suffering for myself and huge heartbreaks? Oh yes! 

Did I put others into difficult positions with my sensual desires? You bet I did.

Did I make illusionary expectations by which I was doomed to get disappointed? 

Yes, I did.

If you know me today, it is likely unimaginable to believe all the above about me, because I healed all that my unworthiness. She was like a person I didn't even know who it was.

This is why I like to write about Sensual desire. Sensual desire, which is ruling the world yet rarely understood for its presence, its controlling capacity, and for the amount of suffering it causes.

If you would understand how much harm you create for yourself and others with your craving, you would immediately stop. 

I also learned this past in my mid-forties.

Sensual desire is not only your craving for sexual pleasures. However the most damaging out of all sensual desires is sexual desire. 

Sensual desire is anything you derive pleasure from as 

1. a taste – food, drink, 
2. a smell or fragrance – including the feromones, 
3. a sound – tone of voice, singing, music
4. a touch - 
5. a visual object which got your attention
6. a thought – a thought about what you create after having in contact with one or more of the above-mentioned. 

The moment you formed a like or dislike over your object you sensed, you will keep rolling in that thought.

Let me show you sexual desire as a process and the havoc it creates in your life --through the following example:

You like something beautiful, sexy, desirable curvy, blond woman or a muscular, yet gentle and soft-spoken guy who you feel cared by or experienced being with someone confident to feel more motivated by. Then your mind takes over. It awakes in you all what you want, or think you need to feel loved, secure, special, protected, worth it etc. 

 

You begin to crave and work for the „object”. You get crazy about the person who demonstrated for you the characters through which you derived the particular feelings. 

 

Is it the person with the big shoulder or the curvy blond girl you got attracted to or what it meant for you to be with them?

 

Let me be more specific:

You see a „sexy, decorative woman, she is educated too and smart. She has a carrier and does really well. She doesn't want to give attention to you. You feel rejected. You go crazy and do everything and anything so you get her attention so you start to feel loved. You are craving to be close. You are craving for her touch through what you feel accepted. 

(This example can be reversed into seeing a handsome muscular and confident yet gentle guy for a woman. You feel secure and protected and cared for when you would be with this guy)

 

Can you see how a visual picture ignites your desires?

 

Have you thought about who had such characters in your life? 

Was it maybe someone you saw in the movies?

 

She is exactly like your mother or father was.

She or he was successful, you looked up to her, yet she has never given you an acknowledgment for what you have done. You have been achieving so many things in your life yet she is not giving any acknowledgment, not showing any value of what you did. You know whatever you will do it won't be good enough for her or him. 

 

So what do you do to get this woman or guy? You begin to provoke because you don't know anything else. You begin to play emotional games, as you want to manipulate her or him just to talk to you. 

You provoke so you can receive more criticism and rejection, telling you how not good enough you are for what you are doing. You do things to show disrespect and humiliation for the other person and for yourself.

Hence your unfulfilled desire your emotions turn into dislikes and hatred. You begin to hate this woman just like you do your own mother. The one thing you really wanted is now the object of your hate. 

 

What would happen if you do get this woman or guy?

Once the hunting cooled off, and your prey gave in opened up and became vulnerable. You finally received the gentleness that you always wanted to have. 

Since it is not a comfort zone for you, you don't know what to do with it. Your craving turns back on. At this time the craving comes in the form of „I don't want this”. 

The gentle care from the other person begins to feel like being controlled. Your dislike and hatred get to turn on. Your punishment mode turns on. Now it's time to punish your partner for what your mother or father did to you. 

 

Your hatred awakens and takes you under control.

Since you can't pay back your Mom or dad you hurt your spouse. You do that for all that your mother or father has done for you. You destroy your relationship too.

Have you had any experience with this?

Do you know anyone who had experience with this?

What kind of a life do they have?

It was only one example but a very relevant one. It is more common than you would be brave enough to admit it. 

You become controlled by the sense objects and their illusionary states what you interpret them. Then the desire for them begins. You become the slave of your desires. 

Shall that be food, money, sex, cigarette, drugs, and aggression? 

Once again:

You are in illusions to think you desire women or guys. You desire certain states by them. Moreover, you simply desire, you simply crave. You crave the feeling of craving.

The sense doors are just a portal for desire. Because whatever you, hear, see, feel through your skin, nose, the tongue can keep you under control. It can keep you in the illusions that you desire those objects.

Your thoughts however can keep you under their biggest control. Your thoughts will roll you deep into such a spider web of complications that you lose all track of time and place.

How:

You would do everything and anything when you ran out of cigarettes, to get one. 

Similarly, you would do anything out of jealous rage. 

You would do anything to have that ice cream or chocolate when you are sad or disappointed.

You would yell and scream and hurt others so your weakness of being not responsible for your actions will not be found out. 

The worst part, after these raging, you would not remember what you did…

Let us wake up today.

Let us wake up that we are under our mind's control. 

Let us wake up and realize that we want to get out of our suffering what this mind control creates in us.

If you can ask one question catching yourself in the mids or before your desire would peak: "What will be the consequences?" And reflect upon those if it is desirable or not for you? Who does that craving serve?

Now. 

Let us just breathe and arrive at the present moment. Saying thank you for every breath is a very valuable tool to get you out under the control of the mind.

How to do this: One inhalation one exhalation- and say "thank you" and feel gratitude. Continue this for 2-3 minutes and see what happens.

Practice this anytime during the day or at night. Practice with full determination and without any exception.

Then let me know how you feel....

Hoping that I was able to serve you with some valuable insight for you to create a happy life.

May we all be happy!

With lots of love,

Dr. Zsu